Methods of grief counselors: Simone Rockenschaub describes her experience
The loss of a loved one is a painful process that affects each person in different ways. As a result, everyone reacts differently to such an exceptional situation and copes with it in their own way. There is no universal formula for overcoming grief. Nevertheless, various forms and methods of support have been established that can provide assistance to those affected, such as grief counseling. Simone Rockenschaub, who has lost a son herself, lists the most important options:
- Psychological counseling: Psychotherapists and grief counselors offer a safe space where individuals can openly talk about their feelings. Together, strategies are developed to facilitate moving forward and continuing to love. Depending on the therapist or grief counselor, methods and areas of focus may vary. In systemic therapy, for example, hypnosis is sometimes used.
- Group therapy: In grief groups, those affected can share their experiences with others and support each other. This exchange is an important aspect.
- Self-help groups/grief groups: Such groups also provide a safe environment for meaningful and appreciative exchanges.
- Creative therapies (e.g., as part of rehabilitation): These range from art therapy and music therapy to writing therapy. All of these can help express emotions better and process them more easily.
- Body-oriented therapies: Physical exercises such as yoga or craniosacral therapy can help grieving individuals find calm, relax, or improve sleep by regulating the nervous system.
- Afterlife contacts: Communication with the afterlife can be a valuable complement but should not be viewed as the sole solution.
With all these options, it is important not to be guided by the opinions of others but to find and follow one’s own individual path in coping with loss.
“The search for stability": Simone's experience report
“The loss of a loved one is a painful rupture that fundamentally changes life. In my case, after losing my son, the foundation of my life was destroyed. With the loss, future plans also die, and the fact that this is irrevocable still hurts to this day,” she shares.
Plagued by post-traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, loss of appetite, and sleep disturbances, the search for support and help eventually became an urgent necessity.
Her journey in this regard was long and arduous: “My first points of contact were psychotherapists. But despite their efforts, I often felt misunderstood. The loss of a child was uncharted territory for many, and they were overwhelmed by the depth of my grief or advised me to let go. Some even refused to take me on because it was too painful for them, as they had children of their own. It took a long time before I found grief counseling that could truly accompany me on my individual path.”
Again and again, however, she noticed that she could not identify with the term “grief management”: “For me, grieving means loving. And that love remains forever. That’s why I prefer to call what others refer to as coping, grief integration. Because that’s what it’s about for me: integrating grief into my new life 2.0 and finding a different way to be happy in it.”
Further building blocks on the path to healing
In addition to therapeutic support, she sought other options and attended a six-week rehabilitation program a few months after her son’s death. The therapies offered there, such as music and writing therapy, helped her express and process her emotions.
“Writing, in particular, played a central role. In my journal, I recorded my thoughts and feelings, gaining valuable insight into my own processing,” she reflects.
She was also deeply drawn to systemic therapy, which does not view grief as an individual problem but rather as something that affects the entire family system. This ultimately led her to pursue a psychological education so she could support others who have experienced similar losses.
“Through training in hypnosis, I also learned to work with my inner imagery, initiating healing processes—something I consider a crucial element in grief counseling that I wouldn’t want to be without. I personally used hypnosis on my grief journey and am convinced of its positive effects,” she says.
Bringing body and mind into harmony
She also learned to pay more attention to her body. Yoga, relaxation techniques, and craniosacral therapy helped her find calm and regain strength. “Training in craniosacral therapy also opened up new perspectives for me, and I now use it to teach grieving individuals self-help techniques that can regulate the nervous system, provide strength, or improve sleep.”
Afterlife Contacts as Additional Support
Another important part of her grief integration was afterlife contact. “Meeting with a medium showed me that death is not the end and gave me new courage. In my opinion, it is important to seek out a reputable medium, as there are many people in this field who are unaware of the great responsibility involved and may not have received proper training,” she explains.
Trusting relationship
And what, in her opinion, is important in grief counseling? “Every grieving person is different and requires individual support. It is therefore essential to find a therapist with whom one feels understood and can build a trusting relationship. In my view, the personal experience of the (grief) therapist with loss also plays a role. It is equally important not to put too much pressure on oneself and to find one's own rhythm. Grief takes time. It is okay to have days when you feel weak and helpless. It is okay not to be okay—that is a phrase that took a lot of pressure off me,” she responds.
However, caution is advised: If negative images or fears keep recurring and eventually dominate life, one should seek help from a trained trauma therapist or psychiatrist. “Every method has its scope and area of expertise. It is the responsibility of those who apply them not to exceed these limits. In case of doubt, one should seek professional advice to assess whether the support of such a specialist is necessary,” she recommends.
Her conclusion
“My journey through grief was long and complex. I tried many different approaches and found my own solution. Every single building block contributed to helping me regain my will to live. However, since I did not fully receive the kind of support I wished for at the time, I pursued training and further education in exactly those areas that helped me the most personally,” she shares.
“To everyone who misses a loved one, I would like to leave these words: Even if it feels impossible right now—don’t give up! One day, life will bring you small moments of happiness again. I have found a different way to be happy, with my wonderful son Alexander in my heart. And if I could do it, you can too! Trust yourself and your grief!”
About Simone Rockenschaub
Simone Rockenschaub lost her beloved son and embarked on her own journey of grief.
Along the way, she completed specialized training and, together with her German business partner Beatrice, created “Liebe.im.Herzen,” a platform for support and exchange.
In their books *Verwaiste Weihnachten* and *Worte für das Unaussprechliche*, the two authors unflinchingly explore the various dimensions of grief, transforming them into texts that help readers feel understood on their own grief journeys and encourage them to embrace life 2.0.
Additionally, Simone Rockenschaub offers systemic counseling and guidance, hypnosis, and craniosacral therapy, along with various grief support services and inspiration. This also includes the podcast *Totgeschwiegen*.
Learn more about “Liebe.im.Herzen”: https://www.liebe-im-herzen.com/
