Learning to let go
Tips and Rituals for Letting Go
When a relationship falls apart, it usually takes some time before we are ready to let go. If we have to sell a house, a flood of memories surfaces, making it difficult for us to say goodbye. And when a loved one or pet dies, we fall into a state of shock, refusing to accept that we now have to deal with the loss. Situations like these have one thing in common: they are about letting go. A small word with a lot of power behind it. The fact is: it is usually not holding on that makes a person strong, but it is letting go that shows true strength. And yet, many people find it difficult to do. Letting go actually requires less energy than holding on, but it is often harder for us humans. But why is that, and what tips and rituals can make it easier for us? We get to the bottom of it.
Why Letting Go Is So Hard for Us
Deep down, we know: letting go is essential for development. Without change, we would constantly be stuck in one place. And not move forward. But it is anything but easy for us. Why is that? Well, some smart people have already addressed this question. Here are a few reasons for it:
- Society: One reason could be related to how our society is structured—namely, the absolute opposite of letting go: we all want to own more and more, hoard material goods and money, build ever-larger houses, and seal more and more green spaces. Security is paramount, and every small company must grow. Every year. Higher, faster, further—that is our motto. But inner growth often demands the exact opposite: letting go.
- Evolution: Biology also plays a part because, although we rationally know that we should let go of a bad habit or that the toxic ex-boyfriend should no longer haunt our minds, emotionally, it is not so simple. Often, unconscious patterns, especially from childhood, play a role. And it starts as an infant. At this age, there is the so-called grasping reflex, which allows a baby to spontaneously cling to the mother in dangerous situations. Later, parents must balance autonomy and self-experience on one side with security and support on the other in their children's upbringing. If this balance is not achieved, it can have a significant impact on our attachment behavior later on.
- Fear: Many people also suffer from fears of loss. In psychology, there is the term "loss aversion." This refers to the general tendency to weigh losses more heavily than gains of the same amount. And that's why we fear them more. The brain doesn't want to let go of anything it has ever possessed. This means that we find it difficult to let go of or give up something. Instead, we hold on to things, situations, or people.
- Desire for Control: Moreover, many people have a pronounced need for control. This means that we try to control life and the people around us. But in reality, we have no control over their behavior and cannot force them to act according to our expectations. We must learn to deal with the uncertainty that life brings, in line with the saying: "Control is good, calmness is better."
Step by Step to a New Self: Tips for Letting Go
The good news: Even if our childhood has burdened us with a heavy load regarding attachment and letting go, it doesn't mean we can't shed some of it. Throughout life, we not only gain new experiences but can also work on our attachment style and gain more self-confidence. Much of this can be done alone, but coaching or therapy can also be helpful. The following four tips or steps can help you practice letting go:
- Accept and Explore: If it is difficult for us to let go of people, things, or situations, there is usually a reason. The first step is to explore, accept, and acknowledge this reason, completely without judgment. Take enough time to look and feel. Give space to negative emotions as well, as it is not helpful to suppress them. A complete grieving process is essential to learn how to let go.
- Reflect and Ponder: Next, approach the situation rationally. Ask yourself: What exactly are you afraid of? What is the worst that can happen if you let go of a person or a situation? Ideally, you will realize that even the worst-case scenario is manageable. Then, consider the opposite. Think about what you will gain by letting go. Time? Freedom? Peace? Autonomy? Stability? Peace of mind? Keep these benefits in mind.
- Forgive and Pardon: To progress in this process, it is also important to be able to forgive others. The resentment we hold against others and the unwillingness to let go of it keep us anchored in the past and prevent us from arriving in the present. But we should also forgive ourselves. Often, we have made mistakes, disappointed someone, or acted wrongly.
- Decide and Persist: Then, consciously decide to say goodbye and let go of a person, circumstance, or thing. Sometimes, fear may come in the form of negative thoughts. If this happens, take a deep breath and say out loud: “Stop! The decision has been made, and now I will act accordingly.”
Rituals can also help with letting go: dispose of items, cleanse your house, renew your wardrobe, start a new morning routine, or climb a peak and mentally let all worries fall over the cliffs. A beautiful ritual for letting go is also writing a letter—for example, to your old self.
Nevertheless, don't be too hard on yourself and remember: letting go is a process that needs to be learned—and it doesn't always happen overnight. Additionally, some things take more time to let go of than others. This is completely normal.
Keep a Loved One or Pet Close to Your Heart
Especially when a beloved person or pet has passed away, it is hard for us to let go. Even though we cannot bring the person or pet back, there is still the possibility of creating mementos that remind us of them for a lifetime.
This includes our Mevisto jewelry pieces. For the gemstones, we only need 10 grams of hair or 50 to 100 grams of ash. The result is sparkling sapphires and rubies that carry the essence of the deceased within them.